Time for another Absolute Write Blogchain! I am following in the footsteps of Alan at A View From the Waterfront. In his post, he talks about both micro-managing and people who don’t step up to the plate and immerse themselves fully into the job. I think I’m going to swing this around into a slightly different direction. Micro-managing at the homefront.
I am a mom. Sometimes, I am Super-Mom. Sometimes I just want to believe I am Super-Mom. The bottom line is that I am always better at doing something than my 6 year old. I can breeze through a pile of dishes, fold laundry with nary a wrinkle, and cook dinner while helping with homework. My 6 year old believes she can do all these things too. My biggest job (and, in truth, my hardest), is to step back and allow her to do these things to the best of her ability. Praise must be energetic and quickly given. Helpful tips can be offered, but at no time may I step in and do it for her. She needs to practice without fear of rejection or frustration, and she needs to really feel that when she gives her best, it is enough.
The urge to micro-manage a household is born from many different emotions. Sometimes I just want things done quickly. I have 10 tasks to complete and I don’t want to “waste” time watching a child struggle with one. Those are the times I may snap in frustration, or hurry her through the task without pausing to praise often enough.
Sometimes, my fingers twitch with the desire to take over. I want to take the task, finish it in a glorious manner, and prove to her how cool “old Mom” really is. Look… look what I can do sweetheart. You struggled.. but I can do it. See? See? You do still need me. You aren’t grown up yet.
Truth be told, there are even days when I just want to be a martyr for the cause. Let me take everything on my back. Let mestruggle and bow under the weight of that which needs to be done. All you who are under my care may skip through life unaffected, without a struggle, knowing to the center of your soul that Mother will take care of everything. One day, everyone will turn eyes toward me and praise my name to the heavens for the load I carried. Hmmm… and then I wake up. Yes… it sounds a bit stupid when I actually type it. Somehow, it doesn’t seem as noxious when your are caught up in the day dream.
No matter how my desire to micro-manage creeps up, it must be squelched. The best leaders are those who allow their charges to make mistakes, to struggle, and to ultimately overcome. I want a strong team, so I must be a careful and patient leader. I must take care not to micro-manage and remind myself constantly what the ultimate goal truly is: strong, capable children who bring the best of themselves to each task.
And now I send you over to Gillian.
Virginia Lee: I Ain’t Dead Yet!
Playing With Words
A View from the Waterfront
A Thoughtful Life
Gillian Polack: Food history
So, You Majored in Creative Writing; Now what?
Life in the Middle
Finding Boddie; A Simple Way to Snort Your Breakfast
Kappa No He
awchain
[tags]blogchain, absolute write blogchain, micromanaging, micromanaging the household, supermom, teaching children[/tags]
[dels]blogchain, absolute write blogchain, micromanaging, micromanaging the household, supermom, teaching children[/dels]
November 7th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
[...] #12 Kat placed an observative post today on Blogchain #12Here’s a quick excerptI have 10 tasks to [...]
November 7th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Heh. My mom wasn’t the micro-manager in our house, it was my dad. I seem to have a weird blending of the two.
Kudos to letting your daughter learn how to do without taking over for her. If I were a parent I don’t think I’d be able to do that. So BRAVO!
Great continuation of Alan’s post, Kat. I’m so happy you joined us!
November 8th, 2007 at 4:29 am
[...] Kat blogged immediately before me. She discussed how she micromanaged things on the home front. It all boiled down to how to give her six year old room and strength to grow and interest in learning. She does this through subduing the micromanaging impulse. [...]
November 8th, 2007 at 4:36 am
My mother taught us all cooking by allowing us free rein and lots of encouragement. It worked :).
November 8th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Wow. I think that is the hardest thing for me to do. My mother did everything when I was a child. Indeed, I got married and could barely cook or clean. Being raised like that it is especially difficult to stand back and let my son ‘help’. It’s an everyday battle really. Great post!
November 8th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
Yes, I identify with the “I’ll just get it done” syndrome–always trying to knock out chores myself because it’s faster that way.
Good post.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:48 am
A very interesting look at motherhood. Unfortunately I can’t relate because I am childless although I do have a spastic dog that helps me with the dishes by climbing into the open dishwasher and licking the plates clean. Hey, he wants to help too. But I can relate with wanting to get things done yourself instead of waiting for others to do it and while it can be frustrating, sometimes you just need to step back and let someone else take the reigns, for however long it may be. Great post!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Don’t just hate that! Great continuation of the previous entry in the thread. Always feel free to let people try something and makes mistakes. It’s the key to eventual employee development…
November 16th, 2007 at 8:11 am
[...] Lee: I Ain’t Dead Yet! Playing With Words A View from the Waterfront A Thoughtful Life Gillian Polack: Food history So, You Majored in Creative Writing; Now what? Life in the Middle [...]
November 18th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Another excellent post in the chain. My mother’s favorite chore was ironing and because she loved it, it had an appeal to it when I was young. Despite the fact she could do it better and faster, she would always let me do Dad’s handkerchiefs. In hindsight, it was a perfect compromise. She did the more difficult, important items but left me something so I could feel that I was helping and feel good about myself at the accomplishment. Good mothers have many things in common and it sounds like you are a solid member of that group. Excellent post.