Sometimes it really does hurt to be a mom. And I’m not talking about the actual moment of “becoming” a mom, when you are pushing out a 7lb baby. I’m talking about those moments in life when you know you can’t protect your child from a hurtful thing. Let me try to explain.
My youngest daughter was born with no sight in her left eye. She has a condition called “microphthalmia”. It literally means “little eye”. There is no known cause of it and it isn’t genetic. It just happens. At 3 weeks old, she went in for surgery. There was no hope of restoring vision as the back structures of the eye did not form properly, but they were able to fix some of the issues that were stopping her eye from growing.
I knew that her left eye would always be smaller than her right, but I didn’t know by how much (still don’t, as both eyes are continuing to grow). Children can be cruel, and I knew that she was probably going to be teased in school. I became determined to bring her up with as much self-esteem as possible. I had a bit of help in that department, because God blessed her with the most amazing personality I have ever witnessed. She literally lights up a room. You can’t help but smile when she engages you.
My daughter, at about 5 months old
We are now five years later. My baby with the “little eye” has grown into this amazing child with a will of steel. Through it all, there is one fear that has stayed with me - that one day she will look in the mirror and hate what she sees. Just typing that .. right now.. still makes my breath catch.
Just recently, I’ve had a glimpse of the future. Because she doesn’t wear her glasses to gymnastics, her little eye is quite visible. The other girls on the team told her that her little eye “twitches”… and now my sweet girl is feeling self-conscious. She stares into the mirror and tries to catch her little eye twitching. She asks me over and over, “is my little eye twitching right now?”.
How do you handle this? What can you say to a five year old? How can you build a wall of self-esteem that her peers won’t be able to break down? How can you make her see that she is so much more than just her “little eye”.
I did the only thing I could, for now. I reminded her that even though God gave her a little eye, He also gave her so many other amazing attributes. He blessed her with the ability to bring joy to every person she meets. He honored her with wit and charm and a quick-thinking brain to help her succeed. And, even with her little eye, He blessed her with beauty. Sure, her little eye is different from other people’s eyes, but it doesn’t lessen how beautiful she is.
My daughter at 5 years old
March 5th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Your daughter is such a doll! I found your blog link through the micro. support. Do you live in Florida? The shrubs in the back of your daughter’s picture look familiar! My 5 month old son has microphthalmia of his left eye. Thank you for sharing your story.
Jennifer, Ft. Myers, FL
March 5th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
I do live in Florida. I’m about 30 minutes north of Daytona Beach.
But the pic you are talking about was taken down in the Keys. I’m really enjoying being part of the Micro. support group. I would love to try and get some of the Florida people together in person. I want my daughter to see there are other people just like her. 
March 6th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
I am sitting here fighting back tears as I read your post. Rio is only 5 months old and everyone just adores him, but I know that the hard days will come, and it literally breaks my heart to read what you just wrote.
She will NEVER look in the mirror and hate what she sees! Never, never, never!
I am going to tell Rio that his little eye is his “spiritual eye”. That God gave him one eye to see things in this world, and one eye to see into the spiritual realm. So he can see things that other people can’t. He will be wise beyond his years. And be able to discern things just by looking at them.
I have to remind myself that kids tease no matter what anyway…
I was teased for all kinds of dumb things as a kid, and my eyes are the same size! Our kids would go through these trials with or without a Micro eye.
Their self-worth and self-esteem comes from having expectations from us, and accomplishing these things, and knowing who they are in God. Not from the pages of a magazine, thank Goodness!
I would love to get the FL peeps together too!
That would be awesome.
March 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Freedom, Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it. The past two weeks have been quite interesting, as Gracie got so spooked and bothered about what the girls had said that she wouldn’t get back out on the gym floor. She cried on my lap.
We made sure to take her glasses this week, and between her teacher and I we FINALLY got her back out there. And… she LOVED it again. I’m sure we’ll have a few tears next Tuesday.. but at least we got her back up on that horse. Know what I mean?
One of the other ladies on the micro support group friended me on Facebook and she has a little girl who is the same age as Gracie. I think it has REALLY helped Gracie to see that she isn’t alone.
I am really serious about getting the FL people together. I think it would be great.
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:42 am
Your daughter is beautiful!
I hope you don’t mind me peeking at a non-flash-fiction post.
I have a blog about my kids, though there’s not a lot there but if you are curious it is - http://fruit-of-our-loins.blogspot.com/
May 8th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Your daughter is beautiful. Please tell her that every day. Tell her how much you love her every day and how wonderful she is. Tell her that God makes us all different for a reason and he only tells us what that reason is when we are ready to hear it.
For you mom…I know the pain of being different. I also know that God doesn’t make mistakes and that there is a reason for everything in life. I know that the love you share with your daughter will feed her self esteem and will give her the strength to talk to you about anything and get through everything.
Stay strong and positive, mom, so that your daughter can learn from you.