Flash fiction is a fiction story that is under 1000 words. You will be seeing more flash fiction up on this site, as I have joined a Flash Fiction Carnival. Each month we get a theme, and have 5 days to write and edit a story. February’s theme was “Blues”. Here is my take on that theme:
A sharp rap sounded on the door, followed by the gruff voice of Frank Mulrooney.
“Get up. Leaving in 5 minutes, whether you’re dressed or not.”
Liza groaned and buried her head under the pillow. Frank pushed the weathered door inward and entered the room.
After 65 years of living on the ocean, Frank’s face was a mess of wrinkles and leathery skin. What little hair he had left was slicked straight back away from his face, and his clothes hung loosely on his lanky frame. Liza rolled to the edge of the bed and stared mutinously into his hard eyes.
In one smooth motion, Frank reached out, grasped her hand, and pulled her from the bed.
“You been sulking since you got here. Ain’t no good gonna come from that. I’m taking you out in the Seadog. Get ready.”
He strode from the room and within minutes Liza heard the roar of Seadog’s engine.
“Crazy old coot,” she muttered, as she slipped into a ratty shirt.
The mid-day sun beat down on the deck of the boat as Frank maneuvered out of the slip. Once free of the marina, he revved the engine and brought the small boat up on plane.
Liza stood, bending her knees slightly to absorb the jarring rhythm of the waves. The ocean spray coated her face, leaving a gritty residue of salt.
“Damn it, Frank, why can’t you leave me alone. A stupid boat trip isn’t going to solve my problems. Where the hell are we going, anyway?”
If he heard, Frank gave no indication. He merely turned the wheel and continued on his course.
Liza stared toward the horizon, lost in the way the sun glinted off the choppy water. Forty minutes later, she was jolted awake by the sudden silence of the motor.
“Where are we?” she asked.
“Here” Frank grunted.
Liza rolled her eyes. “Thanks Einstein. Where is here?”
“Middle of nowhere, by the looks of it. I call it the Deep Blue. Ain’t nothing below us but about 1500 feet of ocean. Now, jump in.”
“What?! I don’t think so. I can’t even see land from here. And I’m not wearing a swimsuit. And there are probably sharks in there.”
Frank gave a wicked grin. “Damn right there’s sharks down there. But don’t you worry. You ain’t nearly important enough for them to mess with. Besides, your prissy ass’d probally give ‘em a bellyache.”
He barked a quick laugh as he moved toward her. Without breaking momentum, he swung her up into his arms and released her over the side of the boat.
A shock of cool water closed over Liza’s head and her legs instinctively began to kick. When she broke the surface again, she screamed obscenities between coughing fits.
Frank looked down at her, holding the ladder and laughing.
“You ain’t coming back up here till you figure some stuff out. You go float around a bit an’ think …that is what ya said ya needed.” He plopped himself onto the captain’s chair and closed his eyes, intent on ignoring Liza’s protests.
Resigned, Liza floated further away from the boat. She stretched out on her back, gently sculling the water with her hands. The sky was painfully blue and monotonous. There were no puffy clouds and no airplanes. Even the birds refused to venture this far from land. There was only endless sky and blinding sun.
Liza flipped to her stomach and took a deep breath. She submerged her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw nothing. The deep water was empty, void of all life. There were no fishes, and certainly no sharks. There was no hint that an entire world lived beneath her.
She popped her head up and took another breath. This time, Liza dove down as deeply as she could. The water got darker and cooler, but there was still no life. She flipped around, ready to kick for the surface, but stopped short. Her eyes rounded in surprise.
The sun, which had been blindingly brilliant above water, was now muted and softened. It twinkled, sending beams of light down to play in the swell of the ocean waves. Caught in the bands of light, Liza could see tiny particles swirling and spinning, like a smooth ballet set to nature’s choreography.
Liza kicked her legs and broke the surface. “I’m coming in, Frank”.
He stood at the top of the ladder, hand extended to help her up.
Liza smiled. “I had no idea the ocean was so big, or that I was so small.”
Frank nodded, but remained silent.
“And you know what else? I’m looking at my problems the wrong way round. If I’m such a small part of this big world, then my problems are too. I don’t have the power to change the depth of the ocean or the blueness of the sky. I can only change me.”
Frank nodded again, then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Deep Blue will do that to ya. Come on. Let’s head back to port. I’m starved.”
February 15th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
There was a lot of description about the character of Frank when your piece was really about Liza. About how being out in the deep blue helped her re-align her thoughts.
I was most engaged with your piece from: “Liza stood, bending her knees slightly to absorb the jarring rhythm of the waves. The ocean spray coated her face, leaving a gritty residue of salt.” and onwards from there.
:>
February 15th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I love the interactions between Liza and Frank. They both seem very real, and you’ve done a good job of showing their long relationship without having to explain it.
I know we’re working in a short space here, but I felt like her resolution happened too quickly. Part of me wanted a little more of her thoughts as she realized how small her problems are in the grand scheme of things. You do a wonderful job of describing what she sees, but I was left wanting to know what she was thinking before she resurfaced.
In all, nicely done.
February 15th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Good going. You got a lot done in a short space, and I liked the interpretation of the theme ‘The Blues’. This seems to me to be a good seed for a longer work. It left me wanting to know more about Frank and Liza and what their relationships and interactions were outside the window of this story.
February 18th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I’m a sucker for boat stories, and I had no problem with the quick resolution. Water-rebirth-revelation devices aren’t always sudden, but I fell for the subtle surprise as Liza realizes her own insignificance through a cloud of plankton (or something) “swirling and spinning, like a smooth ballet set to nature’s choreography” — a fine picture prettily described.
After that scene, Frank is no longer “gruff” and Liza is no longer “groaning” or “muttering.” Thanks for caring about words.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Thanks to everyone who commented on this piece. I certainly understand why many of you feel the resolution happened too quickly. Chock it up to ran out of time… rather than ran out of space. But it is also one of those things I know I need to work on. So thank you all for reinforcing it.
PJ - thanks for the kind words about my words.
On a separate note.. the Deep Blue is really the most amazing place. When I used to scuba dive, I would beg the boat captain to stop in the middle of nowhere and let me dive in. It is the most freeing feeling to dive into water that is unfathomably deep, out of sight of land, and just bask in your smallness. If you’ve seen Jaws.. there will also be a few moments of terror as you imagine the giant nasty shark.. but that isn’t reality. If you get the chance to jump into Deep Blue… take it.
February 21st, 2009 at 2:13 am
This was lovely and sweet. Despite being a scuba diver I sometimes have nightmares about being out in the big blue. You really captured the feeling…the monotonous sky and blinding sun…but down deep how the light penetrates the water. Well done.
terrie
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:42 am
I liked the concept of the “great blue” and the approach you took to the theme, but like some others have commented, I found the end a bit unsatisfying. I can see her coming up with a new sense of her place in the grand scheme of things, but I think the second bit of dialogue (where she is talking about her problems and only being able to change herself) almost a bit preachy - it’s got a fable feel to it, almost like “And the moral of the story is…”. I wonder if it could be softened a bit by replacing this dialogue with more of her internal thoughts that express this realization.
Otherwise, I think it’s a great piece - good job!
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Nice little actualization piece and nice take on the “blues” theme. I agree that the ending can be stretched out so you can “show” rather than tell, but it won’t take a lot of work! Nice job!
February 25th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
If I didn’t know better, I might have thought you changed your theme to match the, you know, theme.
Anyhoo -
LOVE Frank. He’s a gem. I want a book of Frank stories, please. I must know more about him.
Yeah, so, you needed more at the end. That happens with this sort of exercise. Interestingly, this story kind of made me think of Kate Chopin’s The Awakening. I think it was the Liza’s attitude and some of the inner workings you showed us of her character.
Ah, I’m also fascinated by their relationship and how they met. I love character studies and these two caught my interest.
Cool.
<3
February 25th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Erm, that would be BLOG theme. Like, you know, the background and stuff. Gah.