Comments on: Flash Fiction Carnival

By: AW Flash Fiction Carnival III | Peregrinas

AW Flash Fiction Carnival III | Peregrinas — Tue, 06 May 2008 03:32:55 +0000

[...] Laid to Rest by Kathleen Frassrand at A Thoughtful Life [...]

By: Laurie

Laurie — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 12:36:30 +0000

I hate her dead husband. Just on principle. And I’m very very glad he’s dead. If he weren’t, well, I’d have to write another piece of flash fiction just to kill him off.

I agree with other commenters that the ending is too easy. It seems to me that her little rebellion from her husband’s iron rule would start out a lot smaller, a lot more tentative. Perhaps a request for a single puff? I’m not sure…

While this is your first venture into flash fiction, I also agree that that is not at all evident. You’re a good writer anyway, so no surprise there. I’m looking forward to reading more of your fiction.

By: Crystal

Crystal — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 20:51:18 +0000

Congratulations on your first flash piece - well done! I like the transformation that happens here, the idea, but I didn’t really buy into how suddenly her feelings changed from the desperately greiving widow to getting lit on wine and cigarettes. I think this would be a great start for something you could flesh out further - lots of potential here.

By: Jay Young

Jay Young — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 22:06:24 +0000

I liked the interaction and the ending. I was wondering if you were going to hint that either character had something to do with Brian’s death, but it was a story of life releasing Sarah. I liked the fact that it was her brother who was there for her after all the estrangement and that he was going to help her break down her walls. Very sweet.

By: Kate Boddie

Kate Boddie — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 20:38:37 +0000

Had you never said it was your first attempt, I never would have known.

I agree with Arachne that the ending came a little too easily. For someone as steeped in propaganda as she was, it would have taken much more to break the stranglehold that her dead husband had on her. I would have liked to see a fuller sense of transformation, perhaps starting the story where her brother offers her the cigarette, or it’s a year later and she’s reflecting on how she once was compared to how she is currently.

Overall, an excellent piece and I hope to see more from you in the future!

By: albino_squid

albino_squid — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 02:36:19 +0000

Hi! This was also my first Flash Fiction Carnival, and I understand the insecurity. I even told Virginia about being really nervous after I sent her the permalink for my story!

This is a well-written story, and I really felt for your MC, plus the ending is quite hopeful.

By: Jared

Jared — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 02:35:25 +0000

Great work… this may be your first flash fiction but I can tell you are no stranger to writing! I’ve heard rumor of a holiday themed carnival over at Absolute Write. You should check it out!

By: Arachne Jericho

Arachne Jericho — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 21:48:18 +0000

Very nice! The dialogue felt a bit rushed in places–take time with the emotional stuff. It didn’t feel wrong, just rushed.

Speaking as someone who was a victim of domestic violence, the ending should perhaps be more hesitant. It ends a little too easy. The chains are laid on far heavier than that…. at that point in her life she would have never accepted wine and cigarettes from someone who wasn’t Brian, even if he was dead. Well. I guess it depends on Jerry’s role throughout the whole thing–obviously he’s in her circle of trust, and in an unusually stable part of it, since such circles come under constant attack from the abuser. You mention that sense of closing in, socially, losing trust and justifying cutting oneself off because people “don’t understand”–that is completely accurate and a very nice touch.

Bravo, and keep on writing!

By: Kat

Kat — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 19:24:04 +0000

OH! Thank you all SO MUCH for the sweet words of encouragement. I was feeling a bit insecure about entering the Carnival. I never think what I do is any good. I need to get over that! LOL

This Carnival has been so much fun. Expect to see more flash fiction from me in the future! Thanks again to all.

By: WriterKat (Anne)

WriterKat (Anne) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 00:21:46 +0000

Hi Kat, Your characterization of the MC was perfect, it followed the lines of a domestic violent victim perfectly. I liked the even pace and the conclusion, although I had hoped that it would be revealed that she had killed him.

It didn’t seem like a first attempt at the genre, you done good.