Comments on: April Flash Fiction - Fool

By: Bailey

Bailey — Fri, 01 May 2009 03:04:19 +0000

This is awesome - I really loved the fortune teller character, and I think you did a really good portrayal of Kayla - I don’t understand why she went to the fortune teller in the first place, but the irony comes through and I think it really leaves the ending open.

Good job!

By: HRHGoobinia

HRHGoobinia — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:12:56 +0000

Well, it appears to me that Miss Kayla is still a fool. Unwilling to listen not only to the fortunteller but also to herself.

Excellent details in this, Kat. I particularly liked your description of Mme. Genevieve.

No nits other than I want to give Kayla noogies for being an eejit.

Thanks for finding the time to write!

By: Terry Atkison

Terry Atkison — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 05:34:23 +0000

“Give him the chance to follow. If you are always pursuing him, then he must continue to retreat. ”

Awesome line there. I could totally hear that being spoken in the mystical voice of the gypsy fortune-teller. It put me right in the scene without question. I also liked how the name ‘Madame Genevieve’ rolled off my mental tongue…:)

By: Jeanette Cheezum

Jeanette Cheezum — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:14:32 +0000

I loved this. Everyone has mentioned good remarks. I think it’s a fanastic read.

By: quez

quez — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 01:32:12 +0000

Wow - I love it! I think my fave line was the “riot of colors and textures” description. I love when words are used for their less obvious nuances. And I actually groaned after reading that last line. Excellent.

By: Ian Chamberlin

Ian Chamberlin — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 23:57:27 +0000

i like it
i think my favorite line is about the chandelier dripping with crystal.
i dig the imagery there.

I also like the way you described the gypsy.
“She was a riot of colors and textures, sensual and sleek.”
i think that was my second favorite line.

the only thing i didn’t like was the way she “thrust” the cards at her…

but other than that is was really good :0

By: wntrgrrl

wntrgrrl — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 21:31:56 +0000

I kept wondering why Kayla went to the gypsy, in the first place, since she obviously disdained the whole idea so much. Then, I kept thinking that she would learn something, or envision some deeper truth. The action turned nicely on one sentence: “You are a fool.” The gypsy did not say “You have been a fool”, she said “You are a fool”. And she was! You don’t take back the silver with which you crossed the gypsy’s palm…..

By: C-M

C-M — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:38:00 +0000

I really enjoyed this and I thought it was interesting that she didn’t enjoy the message from the fortune teller.

So the question is - did the fortune teller tell her what she needed to hear to make her try again with Martin OR if she was truly telling the truth and the MC was making a huge mistake.

I liked it :>

By: Melanie

Melanie — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 15:23:26 +0000

Oh wow, I really like this! I just finished Water for Elephants so I’m still in the “circus” vibe and this fits right in there. The smells, the textures, you do a great job pulling the reader into the story.